1996: The English Patient dir. Anthony Minghella

A well-acted film that you have to be very, very patient to watch.

Metacritic Score: 86/100

IMDB User Rating: 7.4/10

My Rating: 3/5 stars

I know that by spurning The English Patient (1996), many of you will be reminded of the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine causes drama by hating on the film. My intention is not to comedically refer to this episode of great television; however, I am much inclined to agree with her (though maybe not so severely).

The English Patient is the first film I’ve reviewed for OW? that is an adaptation of a novel (being the 1992 novel by Michael Ondaatje). In my opinion, it might’ve been best if it stayed that way. It follows the story of a burn victim (Ralph Fiennes) in an encampment in Italy during World War II. He has no memory of what happened to him and those of his life are only foggy; by his regal accent, they mistakenly refer to him as the titular “English patient”. Over the course of the extensive 2h42m runtime, we learn about his life leading up to the incident through various flashbacks, detailing a sordid love affair with a married woman (Kristin Scott Thomas) on an educational expedition whom he was determined to save no matter the cost. In the present time, he is cared for by a Canadian nurse (Juliette Binoche) who detests herself and has a love affair of her own with a Sikh sapper (Naveen Andrews) stationed in Italy to clear out landmines from the surrounding area.

I usually detest when people call films “Oscar bait”, but I do have to note that this film seems awfully formulaic. Almost reminiscent of the classical Hollywood style, it has clear beginning, middle, and end, showcasing characters’ psychological advancements and romantic interests before coming to moral conclusions just before the credits hit. In the very, very long middle, we find out the burn victim is Count László Almásy (who weirdly is named after a random Hungarian aristocrat?). Due to very little conflict anywhere in the film’s plot besides “oh no, it’s the war!”, Willem Dafoe plays a victim of German torture methods named David Caravaggio who seeks revenge on everyone involved in his torture, thinking Almásy may have somehow been involved by nonsensically being aware that he was involved with the Cliftons (the couple he home-wrecked). Even so, after Almásy recalls his life’s story, recounting how fellow intellect Geoffrey Clifton (Colin Firth) tried to commit a murder-suicide-by-plane after learning of his wife’s affair, Caravaggio feels that Almásy deserves no hatred and gives up on his revenge (even though Almásy literally begged a married woman until she had an affair with him! How moral and sweet, isn’t it, Caravaggio?!). For a movie with so much consequence, the stakes were hardly even existent at all.

Doting on my last point, the overall insensitivity in this film is a large part of why I just cannot consider it a classic by any modern means. On the level of plot, an extramarital affair is made romantic and the only consequence for it is an unsuccessful murder-suicide at the very, very end (where he still gets the girl anyway, as she admits she’s always loved him before she tragically passes in the plane incident). Not a single soul cares that he’s doing this as the film is largely told through much too long flashbacks, so we don’t really get to see many characters’ reactions, besides Caravaggio absolving Almásy of his wrath because he feels it’s just so sweet. Even on the surface level, though, the film is pretty gross towards minorities. The Sikh character Kip is seen taking off his turban in a romantically tense scene with the nurse Hana. This is generally disrespectful (in my opinion) due to the fact that it is mandatory within the Sikh religion that they wear the turban publicly at all times. It reeks of cultural appropriation for the sake of a unique plot, and so does Almásy’s role as a burn victim. Despite being phenomenally acted by Fiennes, the character assumes a “woe is me” demeanor that paints him as useless. He says things like “she died because I loved her”, or “you can’t kill me, I died years ago”, suggesting that disabled people such as burn victims fulfill no purpose in life once they are no longer “whole”. He even convinces the nurse to let him pursue assisted suicide, which would be fine on its own without the ableist dialogue before it that just makes it feel like all survivors of accidents should simply want to die.

Overall, the acting was pretty good (because how couldn’t it be with that cast), and the score by Gabriel Yared was lovely, but it supremely suffered from bad writing overall. Maybe I do agree with Elaine more than I thought. Or maybe I’m just salty because the Coen Brothers’ Fargo lost to this waste of time and they didn’t even win Best Picture until 2007 for No Country for Old Men, which is crazy to me! But I would not consider this film a classic, nor would I really even recommend it. There are many better wartime romance movies. Casablanca (1942) is a 5/5 stars and that was actually written during WW2—a lesson to period pieces everywhere: stick to something you know.

P.S.: if you’d like, I do short-form reviews on all films I watch on my Letterboxd profile. Sometimes they’re silly, but other times I am so captivated by films that are not on this list that I have to review them on the spot! Please feel free to message me with any films you’d like me to give my insight on.

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